The purpose of this story is not
prove the innocence or guilt of Judas but to merely take a hypothetical look into the thoughts that might have been running
through Judas’ mind at the time he realized that he had turned Jesus over to the Chief Priests to be crucified. It seems from the Gospel accounts that Judas was looking for Jesus to take action
and liberate Israel from the Roman’s.
Judas seems to have felt that a confrontation
with the Chief Priests was what was needed to get Jesus to claim his rightful throne as king of Israel. Judas also saw an opportunity to gain financially from the money offered to him. It was only later that Judas saw the error in his plan.
This is when Judas tried to rectify the
situation by giving the money back instead of seeking Jesus out and asking forgiveness from the only one with ability to grant
it. Judas died a death separate from God but what is not depicted is if there
was any type of remorse in the heart of Judas about what he had done.
The Story as Told By Judas
A story of love, well it could be. This story begins where a lot of other stories begin with me sitting on the bed, resting
my head in my hands and wondering what happened. In truth I should not be surprised
that it turned out this way. It started out ok; I had dreams like everybody
else. Dreams of power and wealth but those dreams only can take you so far unless you put them into action. If you let your
dreams die then in truth they are nothing more than shattered dreams.
So in my own, so called, infinite
wisdom I decided to take matters into my own hands and force the issue. You might
say that this is an irrational view of the situation, but when you have lived under tyranny for as long as I have sometimes
irrational thinking no longer seems so irrational.
After all I had been traveling with
this guy for the better part of three years and nothing ever happened, nothing turned out the way I wanted it to. I have seen Him help a lot of people and do miracles of one sort or the other but I have never once
heard Him talk about taking care of the true scourge of the land, the one thing that needs to be taken care of, the Roman
Each day I woke up thinking to myself this
is going to be the day that it will come to pass and I will see a free and independent Israel but each day I would go to bed
disappointed. All He ever talks about is that His kingdom is not of this earth
and I will destroy the Temple and build it up in three days. What is all that about?
If He is to be king then let it happen here and now. The time is now for
So I thought to myself I am going to have
to force the issue. Get Him to take some sort of definitive action, but at that
point I really didn’t know how I was going to accomplish what needed to be done.
From that moment on I started to think about how I could get Him to do what I wanted Him to do. I have come to realize that I was relating His inaction to a lack of really caring for His own people but
I when I look back I see all the happiness he was brining to people internally. People
who were poor were flocking to Him just for a momentary glance or a touch of His robe and they were forgiven, even of their
sins. Who could do that but God?
The moment I had waited for finally came
when the Chief priest offered a reward for any information leading to the capture of Jesus.
Wet to the priests and arranged a meeting for I knew when and where he would be: in the Garden praying. I went to Chief Priest and offered Jesus to them and they gave me the thirty pieces of silver I now hold
in my hand. Money I can never spend, money I no longer want.
Was I missing the big picture all along? Did I not truly understand who He was? Did
I betray innocent blood? I now realize too late that what I have done was to
get an innocent man crucified. Maybe if I had realized that at the time I might
have asked for His forgiveness instead of wallowing in my own self-pity and shame now.
But they say hindsight is always twenty- twenty and maybe if I had looked I would have seen.
Maybe if I would have thought all these
things before I acted, the outcome might have been different, but again maybe not. Surely
if this man is the Son of God then the divine plan had to be carried out. So
God knew my heart and knew that it was not centered in the right place or on the things of God and that in the end I would
betray His Son. For this I can never seek forgiveness. For surely if you betray God there is no forgiveness.
Sometimes I wish he had been clearer
on certain things maybe I would not have been so wanting. So many times He would
use parables when describing things we needed to know. Those stories were confusing
and most of the time it was hard to discern what was to be learned from them.
He ever used to talk Of course maybe if I had paid attention a little more to the things He said rather than worrying
about money then I would know what was going on.
My way is now clear I must go give this
money back and get Jesus released. The dreams I had are now shattered I now see
that the purpose of Jesus was much more than my own plans or the plans of any other person for that matter. I don’t know if what I am about to do will do any good, but I must wash my hands of this blood money. In my heart I feel remorse for what I have done.
Remorse that’s funny for if I had, had any remorse I would not have done what I have done. Innocent blood has been shed and I am the instrument of that bloodshed.
I wonder how I will be remembered throughout
history, probably as the betrayer of a friend and the Son of God
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