I've spent most of my life searching for something. I think many people spend a good portion of their time searching for
this meaning. I am constantly learning from my mistakes. It is refreshing to start something that you once believed to be
impossible later to realize that it was never out of reach.
What does it mean to be "happy" in life? What does it mean to be fulfilled? I have been spending a lot of time this semester
trying to uncover this great mystery. To my surprise I was disappointed. In my journey for happiness I only found sadness
and hopelessness. The most important lesson I learned was that I was looking for satisfaction in the wrong place.
For most of my life, I have tried to be happy by just acting happy or faking it. I will admit, there are times in life
where it is appropriate to just slap a "smile" on your face. In life, you often get out of it what you put into it. If I start
each morning with a "poor me" mentality, then I am much more likely to find myself disappointed at the end of the day. I realized
that the "poor me" mentality doesn't accomplish what those who accept that life believed it would. For such a long time, I
thought that I would receive love and attention from those around me. But whenever I did receive attention, it was either
the wrong kind of attention or short lived attention. It was a terrible spiraling cycle that just built and caused me to become
more frustrated.
I have learned so many lessons over the past semester. I have so much to say, in some ways, I feel limited to the words
I can use. I am totally passionate about serving our Lord and Savior. I am totally aware that my self serving philosophy at
times totally got in the way. And in order for God to be able to use me, I needed to make a change to my life. I need to adjust
the outlook I had on my life and on others.
Looking at people through the eyes of Jesus—and having a spirit of love and compassion. Is this even reachable, you
may ask? I believe it is, but I can't teach you how to believe that, nor can I force you to believe it. Instead, my philosophy
has transformed and matured: by offering my life experiences as an example to others, I can allow other people to ask questions
and help them find answers. I have always asked a lot of questions. For as long as I can remember, I have always had so many
questions, and it would always irritate my parents, because I'd ask why why why. However, by sharing the difficult circumstances
I have overcome in my life—maybe then, I can be of some assistance to other people. Talking about the past is not always
about gaining attention or asking people to feel sorry for you. Instead it allows people to see that just because you are
stuck in a specific position now—doesn't mean you always will be stuck.
